Contrary to popular belief, successful people aren’t necessarily mentally strong. I’ve gotten to meet quite a few successful people who live in constant fear of failure and struggle with feelings of inferiority despite their achievements. I’ve also gotten to meet and hear about senior managers and CEOs who are filled with negative emotions, prone to destructive relationships, battling drug addiction, cheating on their spouses, or who have kids with serious issues, to whom they barely pay attention.
Being mentally strong is indeed a factor that leads to success, but I’m talking about true success – the kind that is truly fulfilling, that’s accompanied by a well-balanced state of mind, the ability to enjoy life and to have healthy loving relationships with others.
So what are the characteristics of people that enjoy true mental strength?
1. They are not busy judging themselves – if they fail at something they are not wasting time complaining about what happened and about why they didn’t act differently. They learn from mistakes and draw conclusions for the future.
2. They are not trying to please everyone and dare setting boundaries – they understand that they could never please everyone and thus don’t try doing so. They are being fair and honest with others, yet dare saying “no” when it’s required and aren’t afraid to set boundaries where they are needed.
3. They are not wasting energy on things beyond their control – they don’t deal with questions such as how another person should lead their life, and don’t bother complaining about the weather or about the country they live in. They are focused on the one and only thing they can control regarding what they don’t like: their attitude toward the situation.
4. They are not chasing people who rejected them and are not willing to tolerate a humiliating attitude – if someone rejects them they suffer pain just like anyone else, but they won’t be chasing someone who doesn’t want them and most definitely won’t humiliate themselves only to win this person’s attention.
5. They do not check on their ex’s activities on social networks – although they might be tempted to do so, they won’t allow it to themselves and do whatever it takes to stay away from the destructive temptation.
6. They are not cultivating the sad story of their childhood – most of us have a past that conceals painful moments, and we’re all impacted by our past circumstances as adults. Yet, mentally strong people are not preoccupied with the question “Why did it have to happen?” nor with blaming or revenge planning.
Question such as why their parents didn’t love them more, directed them in a better way, were more understanding, or took better care of them is not something they deal with. Instead, they’ll do whatever it takes to improve the aspects they are weak in, in order to be happy and achieve what they want.
7. They do not give up after the first failure – they know that the road to success is paved with failures. Thus, contrary to mentally weak people, the strong ones won’t be in a hurry to give up on their goals due to a failure, although failure hurts them the same way it hurts others.
8. They never complain – they just don’t complain, no matter what. It doesn’t mean that they are not facing difficulties and that nothing touches them, only that they understand that complaining is never the way to deal with things. If there’s something to do about the situation, they simply do it, and if not, they are doing the best they can to accept the situation peacefully.
9. They don’t gossip or “vent” – they don’t waste time gossiping about others, and won’t imagine spending time in the activity called “venting”, whose essence is complaining, blaming, self-pity, and condemnation of others.
10. They don’t let their feelings control them – although they might get annoyed, feel pain, and go through crises in their lives, they are not controlled by their feelings. They are able to choose reactions that help them move forward, and do not live in constant drama and reoccurring fights with others.
11. They have no interest in taking someone else under their wings – they will not take a helpless person under their wings, constantly advise him or her and take responsibility for his or her emotional state. They are defiantly willing to be there for someone they care for when needed, but they are drawn to the company of emotionally-balanced and mature people.
12. They don’t obsess about nonsense – about the new wrinkle that popped up, about not being beautiful enough, about what someone else dared to say, or about the way others should act.
13. They don’t run away from life – when consumed by unpleasant thought and painful emotions they are looking for effective ways to cope, not running away from themselves by using screens, psychiatric or narcotic drugs, or alcohol.
14. They don’t exploit the weaknesses of others – they won’t be friends with someone who has romantic feelings for them (even if they clarified their intentions to this person), as they understand they wouldn’t want to be on the other side. They won’t live at the expense of their parents. They won’t let someone else do things for them without giving back. They will be fair and honest employers or service providers and won’t tempt desperate people to buy their fictitious programs for success, wealth, or weight loss.
15. They don’t expect themselves to be perfect, because they have a sound commonsense and they understand that as human beings we cannot be perfect.
16. They don’t make the same mistakes over and over again – if something didn’t work the first, the second, or maximum the third time, they will look for an alternative way. They won’t keep doing something for years despite not bringing them the results they are after.
To be mentally weak is not a flaw, but it’s a state of constant misery, where we are impacted by every little thing.
Even though, whoever tried to be mentally strong knows it’s not that simple.
A significant step you can take is reading my book “100% Choice – Becoming a conscious creator of your life”, and if further assistance needed you can always contact me in person.