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Seven Rules for Maintaining Your Self-Confidence With Others

We often lose our power in front of others and all of a sudden feel so small. That’s why today I’ve decided to present you with 7 rules that will enable you to stay confident and feel worthy at all times.

1. Don’t let others make fun of you, humiliate or diminish you. Such a thing won’t be achieved by talking but by setting boundaries. Statements such as, “It’s not funny,” “I don’t appreciate it when you talk to me this way,” or, “If you want something please ask for it nicely,” are only the first step. The next step is to stop answering and not to respond in any way to the provocation; because the other person, despite your request, would likely keep doing what they are used to do (and might be unconsciously enjoying as well, since there’s a sense of power in demeaning others).

2. Don’t try to make everyone understand you and agree with you. People often don’t want to understand, both because it gives them a sense of power and because they want things to go their way. Thus, when we repeatedly try to explain our position to them, it only weakens us. People don’t have to agree with everything we do, they simply need to be informed about our decisions and accept them as facts.

3. Be willing to lose! If you aren’t willing to lose a relationship, or the love or appreciation of another person, you will never dare to stand up for yourself. When you dare to act your own way it may indeed make you lose something you fear losing, but on the other hand, it won’t necessarily happen, and more often it will gain you appreciation and respect.

4. Don’t try too hard to please or be liked by others. Sometimes I find myself making an effort to have a conversation or to say something to fill an awkward silence. When it happens it always sounds forced and makes me regret I didn’t remain still.

5. If someone asks you a question you don’t feel like answering, don’t answer. It could be anything: Why you don’t have a life partner, why you haven’t completed an academic degree, why you don’t have children, or why you are not doing something more significant with your life. You don’t owe explanations to anyone and can simply say, “I’d rather not get into it.” Remember, people often ask things in order to gain a sense of superiority from dealing with another person’s problems and weaknesses.

6. Don’t let others drag you into useless fights. When someone blames you, answer calmly, without justifying yourself or blaming them back, once or a limited number times, and then add nothing, especially when the question is something that cannot be fully explained, such as, “I don’t understand how come you even thought of doing that????” If you’ve hurt someone, you’d better say something like “I’m sorry you feel hurt.” And if the other person cannot let it go you may add: “Again, I’m really sorry you feel hurt and I take it into consideration, but there’s nothing I can add to what I’ve already said.” If after that the other person keeps shouting or blaming, it’s okay not to answer.

7. Remember that often people hurt others due to their feelings of inferiority. It doesn’t mean that you should allow it; but when we understand that the other person simply needs to elevate his sense of self, and that he is doing it at our expense because we allow it, things look different than when we perceive him (or her) as a powerful person who’s superior to us, or as someone who’s inherently bad.

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